Lyrics taken from Shawn Mendez – Mercy
You’ve got a hold of me
Don’t even know your power
I stand a hundred feet
But I fall when I’m around you
Show me an open door
Then you go and slam it on me
I can’t take anymore
I’m saying baby
Please have mercy on me
Take it easy on my heart
Even though you don’t mean to hurt me
You keep tearing me apart
Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart.
These lyrics show how I felt at that moment as well as portraying the relationship between Ben and myself. You could also say we are two ships passing. I say this but there are many other songs that could show the relationship – friendship we have. Many more which are saved for future posts.
This has been one of the hardest blog entries to write. I would normally say that emotions are usually easy to write; but when there are mixed signals and you try to decipher them or rather wonder whether you remembered the events of that day or night correctly. And then when your friends confirm something you didn’t want confirmed you are back to square one. Somewhere you didn’t want to be. So then you are just as confused as ever.
My friends and I had decided to celebrate our birthdays together as they all fall in the same week. Starting with mine, then a day after it is my friend Jade’s and then a day after hers it is my friend Lexi’s birthday. Since we have known each other we have always celebrated our birthdays together. Every year we go out for a meal; go to the theatre; go out and about in London or where ever the road takes us.
This year we were meeting in London and that was as far as our plans went. I had only said in passing to Ben to come out for our birthdays. He had asked what I was doing and I said meeting friends and somehow I ended up inviting him. Before the event he asked if he could bring a friend and I said yeah of course. My friends and I still at this point had not made any plans except for meeting in Convent Garden. That’s as far as it went.
I had mentioned it to my friend Lexi that Ben and a friend would be joining us. She said that was fine. I hadn’t yet told Cara or Sophie as I hadn’t had a chance too. But knowing them like I do, they wouldn’t have had an issue and plus a few of my friends had been wanting to meet Ben for a while. So now this was their chance. Jade unfortunately couldn’t make it and therefore it was just birthday celebrations for Lexi and myself.
Luckily for us the day was sunny and warmish (as warmish as you can get for a Saturday in March). I had decided on a dress rather than jeans and my ankle boots. It was (what I would say casual rather than a going out) a navy blue with black stars with a black cardigan and black boots to match. And before you ask no make up. Not to forget my leather jacket. With my outfit complete I headed off to pick up both Cara and Sophie and head to the train station. We were meeting Lexi at 11am in Covent Garden.
We eventually made our to Covent Garden after the train we were initially going to get was cancelled. Which was fine as we had nothing planned or booked. When we finally got to Covent Garden we met up with Lexi and then wondered around the market. It was the start of lunchtime and we decided to eat a little later. Wondering around London on a sunny warm day is lovely and eventually after the lunch rush died down we decided to grab some.
Deciding we wanted to sit and away from the hustle and bustle we opted for Pizza Express (I think – this was back in March and a lot has happened since then.) We managed to be seated downstairs away from the madness upstairs. Ben had been texting me asking me where we were and I explained and let my friends know that he was heading to us. They were now going to be able to put a name to a face. This had been a long time coming in some ways. Not that he was my boyfriend. It’s this word or rather ‘Relationship’ that bares no resemblance to Ben and I. If it does Ben and I are still trying to figure it out. Or rather Ben is; as sooner rather than later he will have to…(That is up to him).
Anyway we had almost finished our mains – we opted for starters rather than dessert. When Ben and his friend arrived we had finished and were waiting for the bill. My friends and I were sitting in a booth and I was next to the wall so getting up to greet Ben was not an option. We made introductions as Ben and I knew each other and he had met my friend Cara but couldn’t remember. I hadn’t met his friend Sam who had come along because Adam couldn’t make it. I had met quite a lot of his friends than he had of mine. In fact this was probably the first time he had ever met any of mine.
Once we had paid, Ben and I were talking across the table as he and Sam were seated on another table. I could see Sam watching us. That is a story for another time. Eventually we made our way out and decided to go and find a bar near the river. The girls were quite happy to let Ben navigate as I said we weren’t fussed. We decided that later on we would head back to All Bar One in Convent Garden for Happy Hour but for now we headed to the Southbank.
The sun was out and it was a lovely day to sit back, relax and take in the world. At least try to make sense of it.
I’ll leave it there for now … Birthdays Part 2 is coming shortly.