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The Greatest Showman

Lyrics taken from the sound track of the film ‘The Greatest Showman’ which happens to be one of the best films I have seen this year (well technically I first saw it before the New Year).

This is Me

I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
‘Cause we don’t want your broken parts
I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one’ll love you as you are

But I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh

Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away ’cause today, I won’t let the shame sink in
We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that’s what we’ve become (yeah, that’s what we’ve become)

I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
This is me

And I know that I deserve your love
(Oh-oh-oh-oh) ’cause there’s nothing I’m not worthy of
(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
This is brave, this is proof
This is who I’m meant to be, this is me

Look out ’cause here I come (look out ’cause here I come)
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I’m gonna send a flood
Gonna drown them out
Oh
This is me

What was I doing? That is a good question. Allowing Ben further and further or rather deeper and deeper into my life. Was I / Am I setting myself for heart-break? Before I continue with this entry, I have to make clear Ben and I had already made plans to spend the day together – before the events that had unfolded the night before.

I arrived at his house early – when I mean early – it was 10am. Normally Ben liked driving my car and that morning when I asked him. He said no. That was a first. He made some excuse about his lenses and that his eyes hurt. I let it go. Whatever was bugging him was his problem not mine. If he wanted to hide behind that reason then that was fine. I wasn’t going to push it. By this point, I’d had enough and just wanted to carry on.

The first stop of the day was looking at cars at a few showrooms around town. Don’t ask why. Ben wanted to exchange his car – only he knew why. Maybe by this point, I had stopped listening. A while later, Ben gave up on his escapade. Why? Once again – who knew? The original plan for the day was to upload music to his newly acquired iPod classic. Let me tell you, they are hard to find, well to buy as a new product as Apple has phased them out. With all the technological updates, more apps and data available on the iPhones – the iPod Classics aren’t needed. As phones now have everything in one place. I remember the old discmans, mix tapes and then the portable CD players. How technology has evolved so quickly in a matter of years.

Going back to my adventure – I had bought my MacBook so he could upload the music he had previously bought. We headed to a pub so that we could grab some food and drink. Whilst waiting for the food, Ben began to upload music onto his iPod. What did I do? That is a good question. I watched him from across the table. I got frustrated because what I needed to say couldn’t be said, where we were. Did I like drama? No, not at all. In fact I hated it.

Whether or not he noticed my discomfort – Ben didn’t say a word. I was restless, nervous, angry, frustrated amongst other things. What did I have to be nervous about – that was a good question? Hadn’t I been here before? If I’m honest this is the weirdest and strangest our friendship has ever felt. It almost felt like a test. A test, I certainly didn’t want to take. Or at least not ready to take. As I watched him (not in a creepy-stalker way), we were sitting opposite from one another. Where else was I meant to look? I continued my observation and I could tell Ben found it unnerving. But neither of us was going to admit defeat or give in. Even-though I was watching him – he didn’t once tell me, to stop. I was on edge because all I wanted to do was tell what was frustrating me and I think subconsciously he knew too. So as usual, nothing was said.

Eventually, I couldn’t stay quiet any more so I began a conversation about ‘The Greatest Showman’. Ben had already seen it and I was a little disgruntled because he’d said we’d see together. I was allowed to be annoyed – when someone makes a promise – they should keep it. Very quickly he realised his mistake; so his next suggestion came as a bit of a shock. He asked if I wanted to go and see it. I nodded not trusting myself to speak. He also informed me that his parents would also be going to the same showing we were.

Once at the cinema, we located our seats and his mum and dad. Ben manoeuvred me to our seats but we did acknowledge his parents. As we sat down the trailers began. Great timing. I was mesmerised from the beginning. I didn’t want the movie to end. All I can say is Zac Efron is delectable. For those that haven’t seen it, I won’t give anything away but there is a scene where Zac’s and Zendaya’s characters’ sing.

The song is called “Rewrite the Stars” and I turned to Ben and said ‘This is our song.’ Being in a dark cinema screen made it hard to work out his reaction. But I know he heard me loud and clear.

The lyrics go something like this: Rewrite the Stars

You know I want you
It’s not a secret I try to hide
I know you want me
So don’t keep saying our hands are tied
You claim it’s not in the cards
Fate is pulling you miles away
And out of reach from me
But you’re here in my heart
So who can stop me if I decide
That you’re my destiny?

What if we rewrite the stars?
Say you were made to be mine
Nothing could keep us apart
You’d be the one I was meant to find
It’s up to you, and it’s up to me
No one can say what we get to be
So why don’t we rewrite the stars?
Maybe the world could be ours
Tonight

You think it’s easy
You think I don’t want to run to you
But there are mountains
And there are doors that we can’t walk through
I know you’re wondering why
Because we’re able to be
Just you and me
Within these walls
But when we go outside
You’re going to wake up and see that it was hopeless after all

No one can rewrite the stars
How can you say you’ll be mine?
Everything keeps us apart
And I’m not the one you were meant to find
It’s not up to you
It’s not up to me
When everyone tells us what we can be
How can we rewrite the stars?
Say that the world can be ours
Tonight

All I want is to fly with you
All I want is to fall with you
So just give me all of you

It feels impossible (it’s not impossible)
Is it impossible?

Say that it’s possible

How do we rewrite the stars?
Say you were made to be mine?
Nothing can keep us apart
‘Cause you are the one I was meant to find
It’s up to you
And it’s up to me
No one can say what we get to be
And why don’t we rewrite the stars?
Changing the world to be ours

You know I want you
It’s not a secret I try to hide
But I can’t have you
We’re bound to break and my hands are tied

After the movie, we caught up with his parents they headed to their other sons’ (Ben’s brother) for dinner. Ben had left things in my car, which was the reason he didn’t go with them. I gave him a lift and I am sure I got curious looks as I drove off. I am also pretty sure he would have been asked who I was? Who was I?

 

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Have You Ever?

If you haven’t guessed, the song lyrics for this entry are taken from S Club 7 – Have You Ever? To be honest the song says it all.

Sometimes it’s wrong to walk away, though you think it’s over
Knowing there’s so much more to say
And suddenly the moment’s gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just want to change the way the world goes round, tell me

Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I’m sorry
Can’t you see, that’s the way I feel about you and me, baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking
I should know, ’cause I loved and lost, the day I let you go

Can’t help but think that this is wrong
We should be together
Back in your arms where I belong
And now I’ve finally realized
It was forever that I’ve found (forever that I’ve found)
I’d give it all to change the way the world goes round, tell me

Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I’m sorry
Can’t you see, that’s the way I feel about you and me, baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking
I should know (I should know), ’cause I loved and lost, the day I let you go

I really want to hear you say, that you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away, can’t you see
Even though the moment’s gone (moment’s gone), I’m still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round, tell me

Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I’m sorry
Can’t you see, that’s the way I feel about you and me, baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking
I should know (I should know), ’cause I loved and lost, the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go

It was the night of going to the ‘Leading Ladies of Musicals’; as I bought the panto tickets (Dick Whittington), this was Ben’s present to me.

When I met Ben, I could already tell it was going to be a strange evening but I couldn’t put my finger on it. May be it was my emotions getting the better of me or may be it was Ben’s. He actually didn’t seem himself. Was he trying to distance himself? Was he trying to trying to understand his feelings? Whatever it was – I didn’t hold the answer and the way it looked – neither did Ben.

We missed the train, we were supposed to get on so had to wait for the next one. As I said before Ben was agitated. That could mean only one thing – Ben was hungry. Our next stop was food. We grabbed something to eat from the nearest supermarket outlet which was located opposite from the train station. Not the most elegant way to spend an evening. Ben certainly knows how to treat a friend. Because that’s what we were. Weren’t we?

The platform was becoming crowded and I could see Ben becoming more and more irritated. Was it my imagination? Or was he scared? Scared about what – I don’t know? Well, may be I do?

I think I received more attention from strangers that evening, than I did from Ben. Did I mention that I was wearing a black lacy dress. Would you believe it, if I said I wore the dress for me and not for Ben. Being a strong, independent woman who usually prefers the comfort of joggers or jeans and t-shirts and sweatshirts over anything dressy. I am a woman who is in-charge of her own destiny. I could jump on the band-wagon and say that I don’t need a man. But I’m not going to. Why? Because I do want a man. Somebody who puts me first; who makes me laugh; who is / becomes my best friend about all else; who is there through the good times and bad times; who offers me companionship; who is the father of my children; the list could go on.

The train finally arrived and Ben and I made small talk. As usual it was insignificant. Well, may be it was wrong of me to state that – it is / was significant. Who else do you talk to – like that? Your other half? As usual Ben forgot that I was wearing heels and frog marched when we arrived at the final stop. We still needed to catch another train. It was definitely – what you call an adventure.

Nearing the destination, Ben continued to become more and more unsettled. What was wrong with him? Instead of stewing over it – I asked him straight out. I think he was shocked! That was an understatement. I could tell he didn’t want to discuss it – fair enough, we were out in public. In fact I think he ignored me and the question being asked. If we had been anywhere else, I would have called him out on it but as we were out. I let it go.

Heading to the concert hall, we located our seats. Ben couldn’t get comfortable but once the show started, he slowly began to relax. A long time coming. I only know this was because his shoulder leant / touched mine, and for the first time that evening I felt the warmth radiate off him. The fact he didn’t move away either. Underneath it all, I think he was still uncomfortable but was making most of the situation. Our knees touched but I made no effort to move. Was he watching me – throughout the performance? Probably. Was I doing the same? Yes I was.

By the time the interval came, Ben was itching to get out of his seat. He couldn’t sit still. Are all boys / men like this?

The second half was just as enthralling as the first. I could see why these ladies were leads. When the show finished we headed out to see if we could meet the leading ladies. I have to say we were lucky enough to. The journey on the way home was the same as the way there. Nothing to report…that was until…

When we got back to his, I gave Ben his original Christmas present – Beauty and Beast DVD. Funnily enough we both had said no presents – Ben bought me a football calendar (of the team I support). It was also crunch time as I had a card to give Ben which I didn’t want him to open until tomorrow. I told him that.

Reminded him, through the window as I began to drive away. But I had a sinking feeling. I hadn’t driven very far when I text him and he replied straight away. That wasn’t good. And I was back to being a friend. What a great way to start the New Year.

Dick Whittington

I found some great lyrics. A song sung by Kelly Clarkson – Don’t You Pretend

Don’t you pretend that you don’t need a little more from me
You’re actin’ like it’s nothin’
We both know it’s somethin’
Even in the dark everyone can see

So don’t you pretend that you’re not wishin’ I was next to you
Hot and cold as ever, want me but you never
Let your guard down and I need some proof

You make me want, you
But you don’t know where this ends
Baby I wanna love you
But I can’t take the suspense

I said don’t you pretend
(I just wanna see who’s in front of me, who you tryin’ to be)
Don’t you pretend
(I just wanna see who’s in front of me, who you tryin’ to be)
Don’t you pretend
(I just wanna see who’s in front of me, who you tryin’ to be)
Don’t you pretend, ooh yeah

Try to deny and be cool as you walk away from me
Steady as you go, but tremblin’ in your voice
Shows there’s a part of you slowly dyin’
I’m not gonna wait and just play victim to your vanities
I don’t have the time babe, tell me that you’re mine babe
Why you keepin’ your feelings from em

You make me want, you
But you don’t know where this ends
Baby I wanna love you
But I can’t take the suspense

I said don’t you pretend
(I just wanna see who’s in front of me, who you tryin’ to be)
Don’t you pretend
(I just wanna see who’s in front of me, who you tryin’ to be) (don’t you pretend)
Don’t you pretend
(I just wanna see who’s in front of me, who you tryin’ to be) (don’t you pretend)
Don’t you pretend, ooh yeah

Don’t you run and hide
Let’s find out tonight
I got a feelin’ that you wanna fall
Tell me yes or no
I can’t take no more
I want the real thing or nothin’ at all

I just wanna see (I just wanna see)
Who you tryin’ to be!

I said don’t you pretend
(I just wanna see who’s in front of me, who you tryin’ to be) (don’t you pretend)
Don’t you pretend
(I just wanna see who’s in front of me, who you tryin’ to be) (don’t you pretend)
Don’t you pretend
(I just wanna see who’s in front of me, who you tryin’ to be)
Oh yeah, no no

Don’t you pretend
(I just wanna see who’s in front of me, who you tryin’ to be)
Don’t you pretend
(I just wanna see who’s in front of me, who you tryin’ to be)
Don’t you pretend (I said don’t you pretend oh)
(I just wanna see who’s in front of me, who you tryin’ to be)
Don’t you pretend, oh

Well, what can I say? These lyrics fit more than any other at this point. I had been looking forward to this event for a very long time not because I was going with Ben. Simply for the fact the panto had Charlie Stemp. Now, if you don’t know who he is – let me say – he is a talent on the West End stage. (Unfortunately, he is currently in the States and will be for a whole year). And, who could forget the dance group Diversity?

I had previously asked Ben, what sort of attire to wear and he had responded with smart – casual. That was fine with me. I knew what I was going to wear (A dress). Even in the midst of winter and a few days before Christmas. A dress with a pair of (warm) tights, a  cardigan, heels (ones that weren’t too high and could be walked in) and not forgetting a warm coat. What more could a girl want?

The perilous journey started with Ben driving us to the train station. That was the least he could do for his troubles. As I was wearing heels, Ben went on ahead as he always did. He simply didn’t understand the issues of wearing heels; normally I wore my Converse or my boots. But we made it on time for train and I have to say I was looking forward to our evening ahead.

London was crowded and busy especially since Christmas wasn’t in the too far distance future. People were still doing their Christmas shopping and were out in droves. Ben gave me a tour of the ‘quiet’ streets of London. He also forgot that I was wearing heels and walking became quite a challenge when cobbled pavements came into view. But all in all we had a great time chatting – about not a lot or things that I can’t reveal. We did joke around and I have to say people did mention what a cute couple we made.

Now – why didn’t he correct them?

If you ask, why I didn’t – does this question, even require an answer?

We grabbed some dinner before heading to the theatre. I was looking forward to it especially because of ‘Charlie Stemp’. He was my main reason for suggesting this panto. Call me shallow but a girl can dream. (By the way Charlie is a lovely guy.) Soon, we were seated in our seats, which were located in the Grand Circle at the London Palladium. Ben was excited as I was but for very different reasons. His musical background coming through and well mine was the pure admiration for the cast.

The panto was funny and charming from start to finish; with a cast that included Nigel Havers, Charlie Stemp, Diversity, Julian Clary, Elaine Paige, Paul Zerdin, Gary Wilmot to name a few. The usual cheesy songs included, the jokes, the dancing and the banter between the cast and the audience is what made the show.

I tried to figure out what was going on in Ben’s head during the performance but I had no such luck. What I don’t understand is that, we have great chemistry and work well together, so why doesn’t he just ask me out? Isn’t that the million dollar question? Hence, the song choice – ‘Don’t you pretend’. He says things and then hides behind his words? What is he scared of? What is he trying to hide? Why won’t he show his feelings? A simple answer is that he is a man.

But I want more than that / this. I want to be the centre of his world. Is that too much to ask?

I had to stop my thoughts, as I knew they wouldn’t be answered anytime soon especially if they rock the status quo. Ben is a closed book to those closest to him. That is a story for another time.

I’ll leave it there for you to digest. Until the next entry.

Snow White … not another pantomime?

It was another impromptu outing. Yes, it was to the panto. The lyrics used for this entry are taking from the movie ‘A Cinderella Story’ and the song is sung by Freddie Stroma. (He is quite delectable. But unfortunately, he is taken ladies.)

Possibilities

Don’t break my heart before I give it to you
Don’t tell me no before I ask you to
Don’t say it doesn’t fit before you try it on
There’s too much to lose to be wrong

And it feels like there’s something here
But I wanna see it before it disappears
And if there’s something real between me and you
Well are we both open to

All these possibilities
So many little possibilities
Right in front of us
Close enough to touch
And far enough to have some time to see

All these possibilities
Oh these possibilities
Are written in the stars
We are who we are baby
And I can’t help but think that possibly
There’s possibility

Don’t give me hope if there’s nothing to this
Don’t let me in if you’re not there
What I’m feeling doesn’t happen every day
So baby please play me fair

And it feels like there’s something more
Than those crazy little crushes I’ve felt before
When you move in closer I can feel the rush
And now we’re so close we can touch

All these possibilities
So many little possibilities
Right in front of us
Close enough to touch
And far enough to have some time to see

All these possibilities
Oh these possibilities
Are written in the stars
We are who we are baby
And I can’t help but think that possibly
There’s possibility

I couldn’t tell you the reason for the song now, but at the time there was a reason. I just can’t remember what it is. There are a few songs that I note for certain entries and sometimes they change depending on the mood of the blog or how I feel. Hence, why the lyrics change.

Ben had asked if I had any plans for the rest of the week. I said I was free on Friday and reminded him, that we were off to London on Saturday for the London Palladium Panto. The one with Diversity, Charlie Stemp (of Half a Sixpence and then he was off to Broadway after his stint in panto), Julian Clary, Nigel Havers, Elaine Paige, Gary Wilmot and a few others.

I think I met Ben at his, before we headed into the town. I think we even bumped into a few pupils that we both taught; Ben still taught. As well as, a few old colleagues that I used to work with. I’m sure they look at Ben and I and wonder? I do to. Nearer the time we headed to theatre and bumped into Su Pollard who had a part in the panto we were about to see. She was down to earth and very friendly.

Let’s just say the Snow White wasn’t as great as it could have been. Cinderella had been charming but even that was a little lacking. I couldn’t wait to see what Dick Whittington would have in store.

Once the show had finished, Ben and I walked back to my car which was parked a little out-of-town. As it was so close to Christmas we decided not to park in the car parks but park down a side road and walk. To be honest it wasn’t that cold – or that cold. To put it another way the temperature wasn’t in the minus figures. We sat in the car and chatted for a while and then I dropped him off. I can’t remember what we spoke about. It was obviously important at the time and what he tells me, I do keep to myself. I know he tells me things that he doesn’t tell anyone else not even Darren.

Once again – who am I to him? Our friendship was blurring the lines again. But neither one of us, saying the words, the words both of us are desperate for the other one to say. How hard could it be? Tomorrow was another day – this time in London.

I was looking forward to seeing Diversity and Charlie Stemp. Heroes of mine. I couldn’t wait…

 

 

Pantomime trip 1 – Cinderella…Sister’s birthday

I was going to use the lyrics from Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke but they don’t match the blog post. So I’ve gone for Fallin by Alicia Keys.

I keep on fallin’
In and out of love
With you
Sometimes I love ya
Sometimes you make me blue
Sometimes I feel good
At times I feel used
Lovin’ you darlin’
Makes me so confused

I keep on fallin’
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I love you

Oh, oh, I never felt this way
How do you give me so much pleasure
And cause me so much pain
Just when I think
I’ve taken more than would a fool
I start fallin’ back in love with you

What would have been our annual pantomime trip, somehow ended up being a family event – I already knew that his parents would be going. But it still a felt a little out there as we were just friends. He automatically puts my name into the hat and then asks. What if I had been busy? Since, I had already agreed to see the panto, I now couldn’t back out. What kind of friend would I be? Plus he had said no to going to my sister’s birthday dinner – as he already had plans. Plans I couldn’t get him to change. So he had declined my invite. I was a little miffed but I couldn’t force him and plus we were only friends.

The day started off, with me meeting a friend for coffee and then from there: head to Ben’s. That wasn’t the problem. The part I hadn’t through was the fact that I then had to head from the panto to Camden Town, London. When I had got to Ben’s, I asked if he wanted to drive – to which he said yes. So, I let him. I wasn’t going to get between and a man and his car. Well my car. I didn’t mind him driving even though I like driving.

On the way to the theatre, we chatted as usual about this and that. Nothing unusual there – I just couldn’t put my finger on it. At the theatre we were waiting for his parents as they had the tickets. While we were waiting, Ben was deep in thought. I have no idea what he was thinking about. I’ve often wondered what goes on his mind; personally I think he’s often very conflicted. The reason I think is because a) his actions b) his words. They don’t often work side by side. His actions will show the opposite of his words or his words will be the opposite of his actions. However, when you question him – he gives you a completely different answer to than what you would expect. A prime example would be going to my brothers’ birthday drinks. I never in a million years expected him to say yes.

After a while, his parents text him to say there had arrived. Heading over to the balcony we kept a look out for his parents. Funnily enough, it was me who spotted his mum. She waved at us and indicated that she and Ben’s dad would be coming up to where we were. We said our hellos and headed into the auditorium.

Finding out seats, Ben went first, followed by me; and then his mum and dad. Would I say it was awkward? No. As I said before, put me in any situation and I will make the best of it. Or at least I try to. Like Ben, I could chat to anyone. Why did he put me in this predicament? What is Ben trying to prove? Did he not realise, the more I interacted with his family, the harder it would become to let go? I am pretty sure his parents think there is more going on with us, than meets the eye. How can I be the one that tells them?

Anyway we watched the panto – Cinderella. At the interval we discussed what we thought about what we had seen. His parents then left to get some refreshments. Ben and I stayed where we were. I noticed (I can’t believe, it took me that long) that he was wearing his Tiffany ring that his parents had bought him when he turned 21. A few months prior to the panto, he had told Adam and I that he had lost the ring. I asked to have a look. It was a nice ring.

Somehow, the conversation ended up discussing marriage and Ben explaining how he would wear his wear his wedding ring. A random conversation – I know. I don’t know what possessed me take Ben’s hand and assess what he had said. He had explained that he thought his knuckles were big and that he would wear his wedding ring on a chain around his neck. I disagreed and he gave me a look that I couldn’t figure out. It wasn’t awkward but it was certainly bizarre.

His parents had come back and we discussed, what we thought about the first half. Our conversation momentarily forgotten. We settled to watch the second half. When the show finished, his parents asked us to come to dinner but as we already had plans, we declined. We said our goodbyes and headed our separate ways.

I had under-estimated, how long it would take to get to my sister’s dinner. Ben was driving back and it was at his suggestion that I get the train and that he’d pick me up later. I had never left my car before. (Yes, my car was my concern.) I wouldn’t have found it strange had it come from my a girl friend of mine, but coming from him – it blurred the lines, even further. I agreed to take the train, as I would never have arrived at my sister’s birthday dinner. I had lied, to them – as to where I had been. It wasn’t intentional, but I couldn’t face the questions and why was I bothering to spend all my time with Ben. I wasn’t. So I did what most people do – I lied.

After my sisters’ dinner, I called Ben to say I heading back. What were we doing?

Snow Day…

Well, it was inevitable..the day had finally arrived for a snow day in 2017. The last snow day I had, was over six years ago. The place I worked was only open one day during that week. It was great. This however, was not in the same league. Firstly, there was far more snow but enough to make it dangerous for us driving to and from work. I was excited but I knew how much I was already falling behind. (With work that is. How sad is that?)

I found a song and wasn’t sure when and where I was ever going to use it. So I’ve decided to use with this blog entry. It’s called Boy Like You and was sung by a band called S Club 7 – they no longer exist. However, they did have quite a few songs in the charts when they were together and they did have a TV show. (Does that make me a fan?)

Boy Like You – By S Club 7

Come on every boy,
tell me what you need,
a crazy girl,
someone like me.

Oh boy, your single and free
You like to play hard
live dangerously.
Oh boy, at the tip of your hand
anything you ask for
you can demand.
Oh boy, do you ever get bored
gettin what you want
and more.
What you need is someone like you
who’s gonna blow your pretty world in two.

It’s no joke, it’s funny to be
starin’ at you
but all I’m seeing is me.
Like you I like to live loud
if your looking for a good time
Look what you found.
It’s fun, spending hard cash
but it’s over in a flash.
What you need is someone like me
who’s blow your pretty world for free.

Anyway, moving on from the lyrics. I was certainly surprised to receive a text from the Ben. Fair enough we chatted throughout the weekend but when he asked me to go shopping with him. I said ‘YES’. Why? Yes, why is a perfectly good question. Well, first  and foremost, I did not want to spend the day at home. Secondly, it got me out of the house and I wasn’t on my own. I did have other friends and we usually meet up for lunch at the local watering hole. But this year, we didn’t.

He’s never asked me to go shopping with him before. Especially not Christmas shopping. Isn’t that what friends do with each other or at least your other halves. It is true, we are friends but in all the years we’ve known each other. This was the first. He even said ‘I’ll drive, come to mine.” Ben driving was a novelty. Had I known what I know now – I would have let him drive all the time. When I got to his, he told me to park my car in his drive.

We then had an exciting drive to go shopping at a bug centre about half and hour away from Ben’s. The roads were quite clear, well the main ones were. My drive to Ben’s was quite easy; it was only his road that was more like an ice-rink. I did learn something about Ben that day – he in fact was / is very much into cars. They do say you learn something new everyday. I think I was more surprised, then anything else. If you know Ben; you understand what I mean.

During the car journey, Ben turned the music down and we had conversations about this that and the other. Were the conversations meaningful – probably not? We talked about work and life in general. I think we did; along with discussing Christmas. Not a strange topic as it was nearing our Christmas holidays and plus we were going Christmas shopping. (Not for me but for Ben). He normally went shopping with Adam but they hadn’t got that far and it was already the 11th December. So Ben settled for me. (Perhaps settled is not the right word but it was the only one that I could think of.)

We parked at the theatre car park of the well-known shopping area and headed into the main shopping centre. It was cold and a lot of the pavements were icy. I had on my purple Dr Martens on – so I knew I would have better grip then my usual Converse or boots. (Well, that would be dependent on the weather.)

Ben and I, had a bit of a giggle going around the shops. Although at some point he did get serious as he did have Christmas shopping to do. We headed to M&S establishment and he got the few bits and pieces, Ben needed for his grandparents. As I mentioned before, I was only there for the ride. The only thing on my agenda was to get my secret santa present. But again that wasn’t a must.

I have to say it was a little weird as I was out shopping for presents, with Ben, for his family. Those that know me, know that I don’t get embarrassed or uncomfortable easily. I take things in my stride – if I get knocked down, I get back up again. (Not literally or necessarily romantically.) So I knew the only way I was going to get through the day was to be my normal self – well ‘normal’ to me. (Whatever that is?)

Going into a few more shops, we ended up in H&M where Ben came up with a crazy idea of looking for a (wooly) hat, scarf and top. He had a particular style in mind – which I understood, as we had tried it out in a few shops previously. Due to the colours of his clothing that he was wearing that day, the hats that he was choosing, just did not go. He is browny blond / dark blond and has (apparently) green eyes, (I beg to differ) – Ben choose a black hat to model. Because of his fair colouring, it simply did not go. I tried to explain to him, why it didn’t suit him, that day. I don’t think Ben liked my honesty.

There was a personal shopper who was helping another guy when Ben went into the changing rooms. We all became the best of friends and they all (I mean the man she was dressing and his two friends, who were also there) assumed I was Ben’s girlfriend. As they often referred to me as his girlfriend when talking to Ben and Ben as my boyfriend when talking to me. Not once, did Ben correct them. I at this point, shrugged my shoulders. What could I have said, that would have made a difference? In the end we left with nothing as Ben could not achieve the look he was wanting.

After all the shopping was done, Ben and I were both hungry. Ben more than I. As you know I don’t mind what we eat, as I’m not fussed. Somehow, we ended up in Pizza Hut and got a meal deal. From which Ben had the dessert. The waitress did bring over two spoons and I laughed as he looked horrified at the thought of sharing. If I had wanted the dessert, I would have eaten it but as I wasn’t the least bit interested, I really wasn’t bothered. We paid half for our meal and then headed home. Well, at least to Ben’s house.

 

Wonder

Lyrics taken from the soundtrack Wonder. The song titled “We’re going to be friends” performed by The White Stripes.

Fall is here, hear the yell
Back to school, ring the bell
Brand new shoes, walking blues
Climb the fence, books and pens
I can tell that we are gonna be friends
I can tell that we are gonna be friends

Walk with me, Suzy Lee
Through the park and by the tree
We will rest upon the ground
And look at all the bugs we found
Safely walk to school without a sound
Safely walk to school without a sound

Here we are, no one else
We walked to school all by ourselves
There’s dirt on our uniforms
From chasing all the ants and worms
We clean up and now it’s time to learn
We clean up and now it’s time to learn

Numbers, letters, learn to spell
Nouns, and books, and show and tell
Playtime we will throw the ball
Back to class, through the hall
Teacher marks our height against the wall
Teacher marks our height against the wall

We don’t notice any time pass
We don’t notice anything
We sit side by side in every class
Teacher thinks that I sound funny
But she likes the way you sing

Tonight I’ll dream while I’m in bed
When silly thoughts go through my head
About the bugs and alphabet
And when I wake tomorrow I’ll bet
That you and I will walk together again
I can tell that we are gonna be friends
Yes I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Ben had been wanting to see this film for ages. If you thought he was a theatre geek; you’d be correct but he is also a very big movie buff and likes reading. However, he does miss out on the bigger picture. (Sorry Ben) To be honest, I was intrigued by the film, as I had read the book; before I knew there was going to be a film. Plus I was up for a night out – even if it was just to the cinema.

Yes, I picked Ben up, but lucky for me, there was free parking at the cinema. A bonus. Heading to the well-known complex, we were met by the usual staff. Even if they didn’t know us by name they knew us by face. Collecting the tickets we headed to the screen. We were sitting in our usual seats – the back row.

Once the film started we were both immersed. I won’t spoil the film for anyone that hasn’t seen it. There a were few scenes that were awkward – awkward in the sense – about a girl and a boy falling in love and not forgetting the first kiss. I was fine. Not sure why Ben felt uncomfortable. And as usual I made light of the situation as I wasn’t sure how or why he felt like that. It wasn’t as if I was making a move on him. If I was, he’d sure know about it.

We did spend the rest of the evening, talking and flirting. Flirting, I hear you cry. Well – teasing which can sometimes be seen as flirting. That much is true. As usual we did speak about the usual things; what was going on at work, discussed the film, what we were doing that week, music, family – to be honest whatever was on our minds. It was one of the most insightful evenings, we had, had in a long time. To this day I’m not even sure why.

That’s life, that’s what all the people say.

Who knows? Until the next entry.